You know you own an Old House when...

While I passed by some tossed out screens on my evening run I came up with the following, nearly all of them completely true and most through personal experience! Feel free to add your own experiences...

You know you own an Old House when...

1. you memorized your window frame dimensions in case you come across an old wood screen at the curb on garbage day.

2. you leave your door unlocked so contractors can come and go as they please.

3. you open your crockpot at dinnertime to discover it's plugged into the same circuit that you were working on all day.

4. you can use two, and only two, of the following kitchen appliances at any given time: microwave, coffee pot, and toaster. Forget about starting the crockpot.

5. your basement holds more water than the septic tank.

6. your attic is a sanctuary for misunderstood creatures.

7. your spouse has the sewer line replaced for your anniversary gift.

8. you really like the gift.

9. a right angle is the one that works.

10. instead of insulation, the walls are stuffed with newspapers reporting Lincoln's assassination.

11. you cried during the movie "Giant" because they painted their woodwork white.

12. after watching the latest Harry Potter installment, all you can talk about is Professor Slughorn's Chesterfield and scheme to buy one for the gentlemen's parlor.

13. instead of a contract, you and your contractor sign a flow-chart (IF we pull up these shingles and there's no roof underneath...)

14. every possible outcome for the flowchart equals $$$$$

15. despite aforementioned $$$$$ opportunity, 9 contractors out of 10 run away from your house screaming, never to be heard from again.

16. and last but not least...someone has the shingles and you ask if they are cedar shake or asphalt.

Comment by Lair Tienter on July 29, 2009 at 9:18am: Very clever! I have one more; counting the number of contractors that drive up, look at the house, then timing them before they drive away!

Comment by Susan on July 29, 2009 at 10:37am: Lair, I can relate to that one also. I sat on the front porch in a red shirt waiting for contractors when I obtained my estimates for new heating and air conditioning last summer. Three of these contractors pulled up along the curb, took a look at my house (and the surrounding old run down neighborhood) and drove away. So much for setting an appointment.

Comment by Jeff & Sue Ellen Smith on July 29, 2009 at 11:40am: People stop, stare at what you are doing, (painting in this case) and say "boy I sure would hate to have to do that" or my personal favorite "if you put on alumininum siding you won't have to do that again"

Comment by John Rodgers on July 29, 2009 at 12:38pm: - if a simple project turns into a weeklong ordeal because of things uncovered during the "simple" project's first few minutes.

- if you've ever stopped and asked yourself "What the hell were they thinking?!?" in reference to something a previous owner did.

- If you're hesitant to plant new landscaping, because everytime you dig a hole you hit bricks (not sure if this is true everywhere, but especially here in south louisiana).

- If the desire to search for hidden and/or lost/forgotten treasure has ever become so overwhelming that you spent an entire weekend digging through the attic, crawlspaces, basements, outbuildings, etc. (no luck yet, but I'll let y'all know if and when I find something).

- If the people at the local hardware store, as well as the big box stores, know you by name.

- If you have ever brought home salvaged materials, fixtures, tools, etc without an intended use for them...but rather because you're "sure I'll need them for something."

- If your garbage men leave your house for last every week, because they know in addition to the usual garbage cans you will have at least one large pile of random materials from the weekends demolition.

Comment by Red Queen on July 29, 2009 at 3:13pm: Those are great! I've had contractors that never provided bids, but never seen them drive by and do a quick get-away. Also, I have dug up bricks, pottery shards, and lumps of coal while gardening - it IS like an archeological dig :)

Here are some more:

- you don't have to go downstairs to see that you left your basement light on.

- no project, no matter how small, takes fewer than three trips to the hardware store.

- you tell the kids Santa's checking out the chimney, when you really know it's the squirrels.

- the squirrels are shivering.

- your drafts contribute to the wind chill factor.

- when someone says it's time to repent, you think it needs a second coat.

Comment by ralph ciardella on July 29, 2009 at 3:34pm: If something costs too much, or is too much work to fix (ie. uneven floors) just tell everyone that it adds charm and/or character.

Comment by ralph ciardella on July 29, 2009 at 3:38pm: I can recall one local plumber - a few years ago, who was BEGGING me to give him some work. After weeks of his pestering me, I finally had him over and explained what I needed to have done. He told me, "Oh, thats too much work". I haven't seen him since.

Comment by ralph ciardella on July 29, 2009 at 3:40pm: Number 10 is REALLY funny!

Comment by Red Queen on July 29, 2009 at 4:32pm: That is hilarious! You always know in the real estate ads it's an old house if they use the words "charming" or "character!" And about the plumber, we had a new subdivision come in just outside of town and that was when I couldn't find *anyone* to work on the house.

Comment by Red Queen on July 29, 2009 at 4:41pm: - you consider posting a sign "Yes, I HAVE seen "The Money Pit!" " in your front yard.

- you wonder, come November, why the hamster entered hibernation (yes this one is true)!

- you've used your clawfoot tub for months before you realize that one of the legs has been missing.

- climate control means working on the attic in the morning and the basement in the afternoons.